First Drip Fears & Mindset Shifts: What Helped Me Prepare for Chemo.

Getting the actual treatment plan, after being diagnosed, is a MASSIVE relief. It's starting and you feel somewhat in control again after all the waiting. When I first got mine, I was still pretty naive because everything felt so unreal.. like it was happening to someone else. I honestly thought they could just cut the tumor out and that would be it. The shock came when I found out that with 2.4 cm the tumor was too big and the risk too high of not catching all cancer cells, so chemo had to come first.

If you know me, you know I can’t just accept things blindly. I dived into every detail, every drug, every combination, every side effect. Looked into studies, read in online communities, talked to ChatGPT... all of it. Part of it was survival mode, part of it was my desperate attempt to hold on to control in a situation where there really isn’t any. And maybe also the belief that knowledge is power.

The very first drip

I still remember walking into the chemo ward for the very first time. The smell of disinfectant, the beeping of machines and those big leathery chairs. A scene that I only knew from TV... so far. It all felt so wrong, like I had landed in a world I didn’t belong to. Sitting down in that chair, waiting for the nurse to hook me up, my heart was pounding. That was the moment it became real. Not a treatment plan on paper, not a scene from a movie, but an actual drip going into my arm. I had prepared myself with lists, with research, with bags of things to bring. But nothing really prepares you for the reality of that first infusion.

Looking back now, after finishing Keynote-522 (which is the best researched protocol for TNBC) and reaching a complete response with no cancer cells left over (which is fucking insane and I could not be happier), it still feels blurry, this whole time. Like a massive fever dream. Chemo was one of the hardest parts of my life, and I reached my mental and emotional limits again and again. And yet, I can honestly say I got through it quite well, especially physically. I still went to the gym, I had friends visiting from Berlin, we had little getaways and beach trips, food tasted good. But then there were the very heavy days, the ones where I couldn’t manage to shower or leave the house. Where I couldn't stop crying. Both were real. Both were part of it.

Reframing: How Powerful your mindset Is

This one is big. A lot bigger than I thought. We think chemo happens in the body, but honestly it happens just as much in the mind. Our brain is a prediction machine. It constantly tries to make sense of what’s happening and to prepare us for danger. That means your mind doesn’t just respond to reality, it creates expectations first, and your body reacts to those expectations.

That’s why fear is so powerful. If you’ve read enough stories about people having allergic reactions to chemo drugs, your brain might start predicting that it will happen to you, too. And just that thought alone can set off physical symptoms: racing heart, shallow breathing, panic. And it's actually not imagined, it’s your body following the mind’s lead. I know, it's crazy.

This is why I tried to reframe chemo as early as I could. Not to glorify it or pretend it was easy, but to remind myself: What’s flowing into me is not just poison. It’s medicine with a purpose. It’s healing me, fighting for me, saving my life.

A good example is one of the drugs in AC. It’s often called the Red Devil. The name alone terrified me so much. I read it in a post on Reddit and saw how people talked about it. I worked myself into such a panic and asked every nurse on the ward about it. But when the infusion finally came, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had imagined. The truth is, it’s called that simply because of its bright red color. Nothing more.

And that was a wake-up call: how dangerous names and labels can be. We paint whole horror stories in our heads just because of a word. My advice is: be careful not to adopt other people’s language or fears. Frame things for yourself in the most neutral, or even positive, way you can. Because mindset can stop chemo from feeling heavier than it needs to be.

Supportive Practices

These were the things that helped me stay grounded through treatment. They weren’t about fixing side effects, but about giving me stability, structure, and comfort in the middle of chaos.

• Journaling: I used a wellness journal to track side effects, energy levels, and also gratitude. I wasn’t perfectly consistent, but especially in the early months it gave me a sense of stability. Looking back now, I can see exactly when certain things started and how I managed them.

• Neurogenic shaking (TRE): Another practice that helped me release tension was neurogenic shaking: a simple but powerful tool that uses the body’s natural tremor mechanism to let go of stress and stored trauma. For me, it was especially effective when I combined it with closing my eyes and really tuning into my body. I’ll share more about this in a separate post, with videos, because it deserves its own space.

• Let people in: This was not easy for me. Visitors gave me joy, but also stress. I felt pressure to perform, to show them Melbourne, to be a good host. But ultimately, the hugs, the closeness, the reminder that I wasn’t alone gave me more strength than I expected.

• Anchors of stability: For me, the gym was that anchor. Moving my body, lifting weights, even lightly, reminded me that I was still me. That anchor was priceless.
  

Practical Tips – What to bring to Chemo

When I had my first day of chemo, I had no idea what to expect. I arrived at the hospital over-prepared and honestly, that was actually okay. It gave me peace of mind.

What I brought with me:

• I was always wearing comfy clothes. Have in mind that (depending on your protocol of course) you spend several hour there. For me it was between 4 to 7 hours. Some days were shorter, some longer. Always depending on the drugs and if you do scalp cooling. This adds extra time to it.

• Ice gloves and socks. I had a whole Esky with me, packed with frozen chemo gloves and socks to prevent neuropathy during TC. My hospital ended up providing them, but you can also buy them on Amazon. They really are recommended.

• A water bottle. Staying hydrated is SO important. I also liked to bring coconut water (for the electrolytes but also cuz I love it haha)

• Snacks or meal prep. My hospital offered soups, sandwiches, fruit and sweets, but because I eat pretty healthy, I mostly prepped meals myself. Aaron and I even turned it into a ritual, almost a picnic, which gave me something to look forward to.

• Entertainment. Sometimes I watched movies on my phone, sometimes I just talked to the nurses. I was so lucky that I had company with me, which helped so much. 🥰

• Blankets. My hospital gave me plenty of warm blankets, but not every place does. And with scalp cooling and ice packs, you gonna freeze. If your hospital doesn’t provide them, bring your own.
  

Final Thoughts

If I could tell someone at the start one thing, it would be this: Don’t buy everything, don’t expect everything. Wait with your shopping list of remedies for every possible side effect. A lot of the things you worry about might never come, and many of the medications you actually need are given to you by the hospital.

One of the biggest misperceptions I had, was that I thought chemo would hit like one big event, one giant storm. In reality, it turned out to be an accumulation of many smaller challenges, each of them hard, but in their own way manageable. Knowing that made the whole journey feel less overwhelming, and I hope it can take away some of the fear for anyone reading this now.

Your body is a wonder. It can carry you through so much more than you think, and often it’s the mind that creates the heavier obstacles. That’s why the biggest tool you’ll carry with you isn’t in your bag, it’s your mindset. How you choose to see what’s happening, how you choose to trust your body, and how you remind yourself, again and again, that you are still you. In my next post, I’ll dive deeper into the actual side effects I experienced with TC and AC. What surprised me, what felt manageable, and what really pushed me to my limits. If you’d like to follow along, make sure to hit the subscribe button so you don’t miss it. ✨🩵