The Mindfuck of Chemo – From Fear to (Almost) Acceptance

Hey - good to have you here! 🪷 I’m actually starting to write this while sitting in that big, intimidating leather chair - the one everyone pictures when they think of chemo. It used to terrify me too. Back then, in those early days of my diagnosis, I was gripped by fear and confusion. Today, it’s different. I’m calmer, more grounded and more routined (obviously haha). I even brought my laptop to write, as long as my chemo brain (which is fucking real) cooperates. So apologies, if this one gets a bit... messy? 🤭

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As you might know meanwhile, this all is coming from someone, who’s always been deeply interested in health - someone who’s taken the time to understand her body, ask questions, and explore different approaches. I’ve always believed in taking a proactive role in my well-being, whether through nutrition, supplements, or movement.

Back in Berlin, I often felt stuck with conventional doctors. I’d come in with complex, layered questions about hormonal imbalances, gut health, chronic fatigue - and in most cases I felt dismissed. That frustration led me to explore integrative medicine, which I made amazing experience with (if you need a recommendation in Berlin - hit me up). I never rejected conventional medicine outright. But I was looking for answers where the system seemed to hit its limits.

But sitting here in this chemo chair, nearly at the end of chemo, I realize how much my perspective has shifted and also what I’ve learned about the different approaches. Let's quickly get into this, because this really helped me to manage expectations, and helped me understand which doctor can answer which question, and what role each system plays.

• Conventional Medicine: Focuses on treating illness once it’s present. It’s reactive, stabilizing, and often life-saving – but not designed to address root causes or prevent disease.

• Integrative Medicine: Bridges conventional and complementary approaches, focusing on the whole person – body, mind, and spirit.

  • Complementary Medicine: Includes methods like acupuncture, massage, yoga, used alongside conventional treatments to improve quality of life.

  • Functional Medicine: Focuses on identifying root causes, using lifestyle, nutrition, and personalized approaches to restore balance. It’s often seen as a bridge between integrative and alternative medicine but not always fully evidence-based.

• Alternative Medicine: Involves replacing conventional treatment with (often unproven) methods like exclusive reliance on homeopathy or certain herbal remedies. Unfortunately often lacks strong clinical evidence and can be risky to rely solely on.

The famous chemo chair, which is actually super comfy. :)

The Noise of Social Media (And Why It’s Dangerous)

I see countless posts from 'health coaches' and 'wellness influencers' about “natural healing” or “beating cancer without chemo.” And I get it. Who wouldn’t wish for an alternative, gentler path to healing?

No one wants chemo. If there were a guaranteed alternative path, of course, we’d all want to take it. And sure, there are stories of people healing without chemo (which is freaking amazing!). I’m not here to dismiss them but these stories are unfortunately exceptions, not the rule. Just because one person managed to heal that way doesn’t mean it’s reproducible for everyone. That’s where the danger begins. And we all know how social media lives from our fear, it's so scary. With AI now even more than ever!

Cancer isn’t just one disease. It’s hundreds. And not all cancers respond the same way. There are different types, stages, complexities. Treatments are tailored for each person: chemo, immunotherapy, targeted treatments. No one-size-fits-all miracle exists.

I’ve experienced this personally. Well-meaning friends sent me articles, tips, and alternative suggestions from questionable sources, often without fully understanding what chemo means in my case. I knew they meant good, but it made me feel unseen and misunderstood and not reassured with my approach.

It’s a reminder of how much misinformation and fear still exist around cancer and its treatments. We’re often stuck with outdated, dramatic stereotypes from movies and TV. And I understand why: cancer is scary. But reducing it to fear, dismissing evidence-based treatments, and promoting “quick fixes” can be dangerous too.

What This All Taught Me

This experience has made me appreciate the value of different medical systems. Conventional medicine may not be perfect - but now, being closer to it than ever, it has my fullest respect. It’s saving my life. I’m lucky to be working with brilliant experts here in Melbourne who truly care and have my best interests at heart.

I definitely don’t want to sugarcoat this. Chemo is tough. But I’ve found a surprising sense of trust: in my body, in my care team, and in the process.

One of the biggest realizations for me was how shaped my view of cancer treatment had been by narratives on social media and how different reality is from those stories. It made me see how much more open, honest conversation we need around these topics. I may not have a medical background, but I do believe that talking about these things, with friends, family, and others, matters. It matters a lot.

For Anyone Newly Diagnosed - You’re Not Alone

If you’re here and you’re newly diagnosed, feeling overwhelmed by this whole journey and struggling to let go of control: I see you. I know how terrifying and disorienting it is. Trust me, I’ve been there. The fear, the confusion, the desperate need to understand every detail, it’s real. What helped me was learning, step by step, to trust the process. To trust the care team. And, slowly, to trust my body.

💬 In my next post, I’ll take you deeper into what Chemo atcually looks like for me: how triple-negative breast cancer is treated, how I experienced the side effects, and how I managed them. Stay tuned. 🧡